Earth is the limit...

“Are you ok?” he asked. His breath felt warm on her neck and since he asked, she realized she was not sure. She wanted to say ‘No’ but the words won’t come out…she was barely breathing. She nodded yes instead, to appease. ‘Breathe’ he spoke again, more softly, in an understanding sort of way… ‘relax and feel free to scream’. He threw his head back and laughed, all she could manage was a weak smile and unsteady gaze. ‘how could he be on the edge and still so relaxed? Ugh, he has done this a thousand times before…he said so earlier today’

She had been sitting on his lap for just a few moments but it seemed like the heaviness of eternity descending already. Trussed up with him, she knew this was her decision and wondered if saying No right now would make her regret the retreat for the rest of her life. She wore her favorite Chanel, after all it was her first time. Now she was sure he could smell her fear and feel her palpitation. Seconds ticked by as her lips dried, kneeling between his legs she couldn’t feel her legs any more, her brain screaming words she could hear.

Behind her, he moved gently holding each of her hand in his, spreading them on the sides, away from their bodies. He waited for resistance, any sign that told him to stop. It’s a habit, he looks closely at all them…he wants to know how much can he push them, how much can they take? “are you ready?” He asks. Almost instantly she nodded, not looking at him. He brought his hand to her forehead and tilted back her head to have her rest on his shoulders and pushed to a plunge.

15000 feet above Chicago, the first timer jumped out of a perfectly good plane with her instructor. In the final few seconds before the jump, being hitched on the edge of the plane with her feet dangling in air Aky wondered if she would have a life altering thought that would become a catalyst for the rest of her days. How could she not? She’d flown in airplanes all her life but never dove out of one. She saw the world below and recalled ‘sky is the limit’…no, that’s wrong. Ground was the limit, not sky. She was basking in the experience of her first skydive. This has got to be special in more ways than she can make it to be. Perhaps later she would ruminate.

The jump itself was a conflict between holding on and letting go. Even though the instructor was harnessed behind her, to Aky, she was the only one there. The training said scream, but not a sound came out of her lungs. Suspended in air, floating above an entire city, not a single fully coherent thought in your mind, face being molded by the thrashing wind, in this venerable moment how could one scream?

‘SCREAM’ Jose broke into her thoughts, he needed to make sure her normal breathing kicks in. Perched 3 inches above her, he felt every muscle in her body. He sensed that she was enthralled and would submit to more adventure. Without needing any acknowledgement, he always understood when the experience had enslaved a person enough to accede to more. That’s what made him special, letting people fall with grace and call it an adventure.

Jose pulled her arms by her side, changing their pace and if it were possible to free fall any faster, they did. The screaming had stopped but Aky could not remember to exhale. Cutting through the clouds, she pulled her eyes away from the farms below to the flock of birds in a distance. With lack of focus, the birds looked like beans spilling out of the clouds. Within seconds, Jose swept her hands back into position and they began to spin! Despite herself, Aky squealed a mix of laughter and trepidation…this was a roller coaster that she did not see coming. She continued laughing and getting tickled as Jose orchestrated circus tricks in their free fall. The earth’s curves and horizon loosing angles, Aky could see the ground approaching fast.

‘Pull the chord’ Jose shouted behind her ear. Aky moved her right arm out of position towards her hip. The wind sabotaged her efforts to reach the flapping red chord. Jose caught her hand in his and steadied near the chord. Even that didn’t help. She was sure that Jose rolled his eyes at her unsteadiness. So he pulled the chord…

Jose was in full didactic mode. Aky found him akin to a mathematician describing the grids behind Van Gogh’s ‘Wheatfield with Cypresses’. While she was still vacillating between heeding to Jose’s decree and getting awed by contiguous corn fields marry the clouds over the horizon, they ricocheted mid-air. This time she screamed, but with complete control. She could’ve chosen to cease this moment with a single long or even a broken breath, but a scream just seemed like a suitable homage to a 60 second free fall. Feral laughter escaped soon after.

Where is the line between being in control and losing all of it?  Obviously, when you dive with abandonment and literally throw control to the wind, you are relinquishing every fiber of self-command…oh, except that lifeline worth of parachute above your head, keeping you afloat along with your prayers and the seer positioning your descent from 15000 feet to precise 20x60 feet of earth.

Aky had seen this view from airplane window a hundred times before. But this buoyant, transient window to the world below was conceivably the best seat in the house. Despite the speed of descent there was an epic stillness in the moment. The expanse of earth, punctuated by enormous constructed products where man stakes claim – farms, buildings, highways; and yet the diminutive-ness of this effort so striking in the all-encompassing earth. Food, one can eat to their fill; even flirt with gluttony but you will have to stop eventually. But drinking in these august visions, you just can’t have your fill. In a matter of minutes, she will be back at her feet, consumed by the world around. One that she viewed from above, moving seamlessly and uncaring about anyone having a cathartic experience. She looked up, beyond the orange parachute, she saw the sky…limitless. It’s a space to be visited, but no one can make a home there. Just like memories, can’t live your present or future there.

This journey begins when I can walk no more
I carry all my baggage when I lack forte
My breath heavier than my grinding feet
My thoughts too vivid but my heart steady
The weather changes here, with every emotion
I hunger, I thirst, I yearn, to live that story all over

Time loses gravity and it’s the passions that pull
The visions flash as fast as lightening
And they linger until the heartache dulls
This is a city where I live with lot of souls
But I visit to escape and then abscond all alone

Somewhere during the descent, Jose stopped talking. He felt Aky experience the same contemplation as he did during his first dive. This was his devotion. This is what kept him coming back a thousand times. If there was one thing that he loved more than skydiving, it would be the sole witness to so many others dive for their first and only time, plunge into fear and emerge on the other side of courage. Every dive unfolds a unique emotional story and he is happy just to be an audience, without indulging.

One word “brace!” and a few seconds later they land smoothly on their feet. There was no clumsiness, no stumbling. Silent exactitude. Jose unbuckled and Aky turned around. They saw each others' faces for the first time since the jump. A single smile and a thank you was all that she could offer for something so profound. He took it all.

This remarkable fall infused into her memory, Aky walks away, abound with gratitude.